I have tortured myself by loving you

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I gave everything i had

provided all i knew

and it almost took me out

all i didnt know they do

how it sucked the breathe out of me

my soul vanished

my heart deeply wounded

worse than the impact one could only imagine

the scars and damage that was created

now all that is left is the memory of all i knew

i still work on my memory to return

to work on the damage done

to work on myself, for myself, to love me again

i hated me for accepting it

not expecting any better

 

i forgive you

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 I FORGIVE YOU FOR BREAKING MY HEART IN PIECES
I FORGIVE YOU FOR INTENTIONALLY HURTING ME
I FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT LOVING ME
I FORGIVE YOU FOR LOSING RESPECT FOR ME
I FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT BEING THERE FOR ME
I FORGIVE YOU FOR LETTING BE THERE ALL ALONE
I FORGIVE YOU FOR DAMAGING MY SELF ESTEEM AND DEPLETING MY ENERGY
I FORGIVE YOU FOR EVERY ILL WORD YOU SPOKE OF ME TO OTHERS
I FORGIVE YOU FOR LYING ABOUT ME AND TO ME
I FORGIVE YOU FOR LIVING YOUR LIFE WITHOUT ME
I FORGIVE YOU FOR EXPERIENCING LIFE WITH OTHERS AND NOT ME
I FORGIVE YOU FOR EVERY TEAR I EVER CRIED IN DESPERATION FOR YOU
I FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT BEING SORRY
I FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT KNOWING HOW DEEP YOU BROKE ME
I FORGIVE YOU FOR TEARING MY CHARACTER APART
I FORGIVE YOU FOR TELLING AND SHOWING ME I WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH
I FORGIVE YOU FOR LEAVING ME OUT IN THE COLD WITH NOTHING
I FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT PROTECTING ME
I FORGIVE YOU FOR NEGLECTING AND ABANDONING ME
I FORGIVE YOU FOR ALL THE THINGS I KNOW AND WILL NEVER KNOW
 

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For those with ill intention to wreak havoc in others lives this is for you.

You have no place or say in how I live my life then and now
You all have no Idea what my life has been nor what I have endured
You will never know the truth but this is how you can catch a glimpse into my pain and lessons learned
Don’t take sides, don’t assume you know, because you have NO idea what it was and is for me
The truth of things would shock you to know about those you love
I . Protected it for many reasons and still will simply because I am a lady with class and a mother
Don’t ask me questions you do not want answers to as I have released that burden of protecting someone else
I don’t care about your feelings or opinions but if you want to judge, not your place, make sure it’s factual
If you think slandering me or degrading me is beneficial for you, let me tell you how desperate you are
How those continue to have your back tells me the shallow places those are around you will take you
I am no longer bound by the web of lies
So if you wanna know ,follow me, increase my stats, as your weak courage of just glancing speaks volumes

silenced

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People amaze me in the fact they can’t be honest about how they feel, where they stand with another person, I guess it doesn’t matter who may be impacted by their behavior unknowingly. What’s worse is that the other person who is impacted is placed into a  position of defense. It creates havoc, chaos and confusion.

I refuse to let someone else’s behavior or choices to impact my life. Since they won’t speak I’ll speak and call it just that…what it is for me. Silence has never been a strength of mine, hopefully the truth treats me kind.

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